The ARDS Foundation - Body, Mind, & Spirit

By Pastor Ian

MISUNDERSTANDINGS

Being misunderstood can be one of the most frustrating things that can happen to any of us, and also one of the funniest.

Recently I was speaking to a telephone assistant at one of the large national banks trying to understand how some money I had transferred from one account to the other had become lost in the process. The lady at the other end of the line seemed to have a problem hearing anything I had to say on the subject, and insisted that the money was not there, and that was that. On further 'gentle' probing from me, she did admit that it often took time for an Internet transaction to show up in the relevant account. My money might be floating around in hyperspace waiting for the computer to catch up. Should I do a "Google" search to try to find it, I was tempted to ask?

"You will have to talk with the banking division," came the response after spending approximately 20 minutes on hold, with an annoying voice occasionally insisting that if I wished to keep my place in the call line-up I should continue to hold. When I eventually spoke to a real person, my request for further information was promptly 'terminated' by the bank employee who resorted to the old trick of saying: "hello.hello.the line is breaking up.. I can't hear you.. hello.. " CLICK! What a cheap trick to play.

On the funnier side, only a couple of nights ago I had the pleasure of having dinner with our two daughters. We carefully thought about all of the mouth watering items we could have before settling on some Sushi, Shrimp Tempura, a meat and rice dish and 3, no make that 4 Spring Rolls. One each, and one left over for 'Mr. /Ms. Manners.' Dad (that's me) of course, bought the dinner which, at their request, was a Japanese carryout ordered with a little difficulty, by phone. When I was presented with the tab at the restaurant, I thought it was a 'bit steep,' for three suppers, but paid up. I looked at the 2 large bags we were handed and still the coin did not drop. It was only when we arrived back at the apartment and began to open the containers we discovered our problem. We had been given 4 ORDERS of Spring Rolls, which amounted to 16 Spring Rolls, and two soups that we didn't order, as well as our other items, all to be shared between three people. Talk about misunderstanding. But it tasted good!

In churches all around the world, the 40-day festival of Lent is being observed at this time of the year. Lent is traditionally known as a time for introspection and reflection, that is, people deliberately examining themselves and their lives, and trying to gain understandings that will help them on their life-journey.

Misunderstanding comes from failing to make our feelings, our wants and needs known. It comes from others trying to read into a situation something that does not exist; it comes from talking when we should be listening; it comes from exercising authority and control in situations that do not warrant it. If you don't believe me then speak to one of our ARDS survivors and listen to what they have to say about 'misunderstandings' and 'control.' Any one of them, particularly in their earlier stages of fighting the disease, when they were vented or trached and their ability to communicate was severely restricted, will tell you that their level of angst rose alarmingly when certain people were visiting or delegated to nurse them. Making yourself understood with a piece of paper and a pencil is painfully slow; is tiring; is often ineffective, but it's the best that you've got. Oh how I used to love the nurses who had that wonderful ability to lip-read. Communication came much easier and misunderstandings were few.

Whether you are a support person communicating with an ARDS patient in recovery, or talking with an older person, or someone who might be considered to be vulnerable, choose your approach carefully and make your interaction focus on their needs, and not your wants. In one word, make it a loving interlude and avoid the pitfalls of miscommunication that catches us all out from time to time.

So during these coming Lenten days, whether you are Christian, Jew, Muslim, Buddhist, or any other of the multitude of persuasions, try to listen to those with whom we interact with more empathy, more understanding, and as you do, remember.

There is no misunderstanding in a mirror. If we frown at it, it frowns back, if we smile, it simply returns the greeting.

Pastor Ian.

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