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“PLEASE DO ALL I ASK.”
On a Friday in January I was traveling to a friend’s house. It was a beautiful morning, crisp and cool (-18C) and the roads were dry. Perfect weather for being out in the morning and driving. As I headed along a 2 mile straight, in the distance ahead I could see the flashing lights of emergency vehicles indicating that all was not well. I slowed and I realized I was approaching the scene of a terrible accident. One battered vehicle remained in the nearside ditch, hardly recognizable as a minivan. I shuddered as I thought of driver and the front seat passenger/s and it brought distant memories flooding back into my mind of a similar situation 30 years ago when I was the driver of the battered vehicle lying in the ditch; when I was the victim in the ambulance; and it all started out for me just like it must have done for the driver and passengers of the minivan; a normal Friday morning.
You may wonder why I am writing about this uncomfortable subject. Do we really need to read about this stuff? Let me answer that by saying: ‘if we buy into the idea that we learn from example’ or:
‘that we learn from the mistakes of others,’
then we need to take stock of our own lives when we come across a defining moment like this. Whatever happened on that road at 8.30 a.m. I will never know, but what I can say for certain is that it came out of the blue for those involved; it was unplanned; unexpected; unimaginable, even in their worst nightmares. Reality sometimes catches up on us when we least expect it, and then we realize what a great gift that which we so casually call “life,” really is.
The contact we have with families, partners and loved ones in the ARDS Foundation usually happens because someone for whom they care deeply has been touched by Acute Respiratory Distress Syndrome (ARDS for short). Life has been going along in a routine fashion and then, suddenly it seems, everything changes and we are thrust into a new and frightening world. It is then that the knowledge and experience of the ARDS Foundation volunteers becomes so valuable. We have been there, either as the ARDS patient or as a family member providing support for their loved one.
Fully half of those affected by ARDS will recover, hopefully to lead a ‘normal’ life once again. Unfortunately some of the survivors will suffer lasting effects from the violence that ARDS caused to their bodies, and it is impossible to predict what this will be, or even IF there will be after-effects.
I have always believed that, “when life hands you a lemon, make lemonade.” We do not know what tomorrow will bring for us; however we cannot live our lives in a cocoon, in fear of the worst case event. What we can and must do, distasteful as it may be, is to think about what our wishes might be, if and when we are unable to advocate for ourselves. This IS a topic which should be discussed openly with those who love and care for us. This is the very least we can do “in the unlikely event….” for those who will remain to care for us or to grieve!
Let us act to take away from our loved ones feelings that they may or may not be following our wishes by providing them with a firm understanding of our desires. Draft a document with the help of a family attorney that sets out these wishes, and tell a loved one that you have done so.
Peace of mind will be the result of doing these things now, and we will never again wonder what the answer to the question: “Please do all I ask,” should have been.
Blessings and safe journeys,
Pastor Ian.
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